Wednesday, October 9, 2002

Catholic Cheerleaders of Doom: Where sugar, spice and everything nice meet glitter, latex, and manic sexual dancing on late-night ESPN flip again and accidentally land on ESPN and immediately feel your very soul being siphoned straight through your teeth.

It is a cheerleading competition. Check that, no wait, it's a dance-team competition. Slight difference, mostly having to do with gender mixing and back flips and hand clap frequency and intensity of hip thrusting and the fierceness of a young girl's madly grinning stare that can eat live puppies for breakfast.

...Squads of 20 Catholic schoolgirls all dressed in, say, skintight "Matrix"-ish black latex, hair slicked and pulled tight, a complete S&M fetish-a-rama, dancing like robotic sex machines to a hyperspeed "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics, and they have no idea, and no one mentions it.

All moving like they want to copulate with the devil Himself and maybe a few dozen demons just for kicks, despite not really knowing how, not really addressing the sex issue at all, though they really, really should, as the bland judges just comment on the nice agility and good leg extensions.

Thanks for the link, Carolyn. A great piece.

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